There's a
certain gravitas that comes with defying gravity; I felt it settling into my
gut as each plane of my trip took off and landed.
I noticed
a group of men and women who just looked like a short-term missions team,
something I guessed from my by semi-stealth intelligence gathering methods (read:
overhearing their conversation as I read while waiting at the gate at Terminal
B in Washington Dulles Int'l Airport). It
wasn't until the second leg of my flight – San Juan, PR to Santo Domingo, DR –
that I actually struck up a conversation with some of them.
Dan and
Jeff sat in my row. They're two of their
ten-member medical missions team comprised of doctors, nurses and EMT
professionals, but they themselves were the sole non-medical background folks from
Waynesboro Mennonite Church in (I suppose, Waynesboro) Virginia. We exchanged details of our trip and sat quietly
for most of shuttle between the two capitals.
Then I
got this hankering to pray for them. And
even with a World Race under my belt, it still took some courage to get over
myself and ask them if I could pray for them. And just in time, as the plane made its descent, I asked the Lord for
His favor and blessing and guidance and protection and boldness to cover them.
I hadn't
got off the plane, yet the Lord already had me hit the ground running.
Remember
the word that Mike Paschal shared with us G Squad (October 2008) folks back at
M&N Squads' (January 2010) training camp? The word was gravel, which Google dictionary describes thusly:
"Gravel consists of very small stones. It is often used to
make paths."
It's not
a coincidence to me that half the WR Alumni team is from G-Squad. Mother Teresa says, "we do no great things,
only small things with great love"; in other words (hers, also, I believe), "it
is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into
them that matters."
Our
mission was to pave the way for more to come in. How were we
to make that path through the rubble, to the lost and orphaned, the confused
and grieving, to the lonely and confused?
One pebble at a time.
Call us the
ground crew, if you'd like.
It's a
stark contrast to what I saw. True to
the vision/image my formidable intercessor friend Jean received when she prayed
for me the Tuesday night before my departure, I saw quite a lot of UN signs at
the airport as well as at our accommodations in Santo Domingo. A good number of relief workers sported those
outdoorsy vests, many emblazoned with "WFP" (World Food Program) on the back.
And there
we were, the ten of us – a former Marine, a former investment banker, a single
mom and seven former World Racers – with a lick of, if any, disaster relief
experience, sitting in a way too comfortable hotel suite with Jack Larson of
Mision Emanuel.
Jack is a
man who's spread out lots of pebbles throughout Santo Domingo. As far as I know, he's not an educator or
healthcare professional or biochemist or entrepreneur by trade, but in his
thirty years serving in the Dominican Republic, his ministry has built clinics,
schools, a water filtration and bottling plant and a women's co-op.
Raul, a
pastor/missionary in Azua, DR with whom the World Race has partnered with last
year and that week, said to me, "you know, when you're a missionary, you do a
little bit of everything." In that
statement, I learned yet again that to God what matters more to Him is how
available to and dependent on Him we are in order to obey Him.
It
would've been awesome to have a disaster relief experience or a medical
background but the lack thereof didn't exclude me from obeying Him. Really all He required of me was a spirit
that was willing to say yes to whatever, however unskilled or uncomfortable or
inconvenient.
And you
know what I realize just now, as obvious at it sounds? That "Yes" springs from a spirit of humility,
usually symbolized by kneeling. . . where? [Cue SNL digital short of the same name]. . .
By way of
the TV show Glee (one of my favorite
shows), "Defying Gravity" from the musical Wicked,
sung by Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel, has become one of my favorite
songs. Listening to it never fails to
give me goosebumps, not only because of the vocal prowess the artists display, but
because the lyrics seem to line up more closely with my life recently.
A couple
of weeks ago, I believe, is when Ashley sent out the email with the dates of the
first World Race Alumni trip. A few days
prior to that, less than a week since the earthquake first struck, the trip was
just an idea yet in my gut I knew I had to do more than just read and watch and
give and pray. God was asking who'd go,
as in Isaiah 6:8, and in my spirit I replied with a resounding "yes".
I sent a
rather emotional email to work requesting time off, which in retrospect read
more like begging forgiveness instead of asking permission (N.B. this is how
not to approach it, DON'T follow this part of my example!). Later that day, which was late at night, I
checked my work email and Kayak.com. Time was of the essence so I went ahead and booked my flight.
Suddenly I
found myself in between the realm of possibility to probability. The reality of what I just did caught up – it
was all so impulsive, nonsensical and reckless – as I stood with my toes just
protruding over the edge. The voices
telling me to step back, think twice (to think, really), to turn around and
slow down echoed over the canyon of the unknown.
Now, I haven't
seen the musical, so I might be taking this out of context [afterword:
actually, I just Wiki-ed Wicked and
now I really wanna watch it], but I am
somewhat familiar with the premise of the story. The few people who made me question myself
were like Glinda from Wicked:
". . . why couldn't you stay calm for once, instead of
flying off the handle?. . . / So though I can't imagine how, I hope you're
happy right now."
Everything
happened so fast that I hadn't stopped to check myself: why am I doing this? How can I be sure that I am supposed to go? I've never done disaster relief, who am I to
go? It's dangerous and (at that point) I
still am not sure where exactly I'll be and what exactly I'd be doing.
I end up
leaving Allison a tearful plea for prayer over voicemail and call Ashley,
trying but failing to maintain composure. Both of them were so gracious and helped clear the way for the Lord's
voice to cut through the echoes of doubt and worry and fear.
And just
as I had believed He would, God met my faith with favor – my boss gave the
green light and my supporters, particularly the leadership at ODPC, covered me
in prayer and encouragement. It came
later than I had expected, but He gave me the peace and clarity I needed to get
myself on that plane.
Of course
God doesn't make sense all the time, especially before the fact. Christie Albaugh put this quote up as her
Facebook status:
What is faith, after all, but believing in advance what
only makes sense in reverse?
And surely,
the whole quitting my job and giving away most my stuff and leaving home and living
out of a backpack with fifty people in eleven countries didn't make sense
beforehand and was crazy. . . taking unpaid leave for a week to be part of a
first response to a natural disaster isn't too far fetched in comparison, no?
Already,
God was teaching and leading me through a lot. My World Race experience keeps proving to be a prelude as Elphaba sings:
"Something has
changed within me, something is not the same / I'm through with playing by
the rules of someone else's game / Too
late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep / It's time to trust my instincts, close my
eyes, and leap! // It's time to try defying gravity / I
think I'll try defying gravity. . ."
And while
the Glindas of the world tell me,
"Can't I make you understand? / You're having delusions of
grandeur."
I press
on, ‘cause. . .
"I'm through
accepting limits ‘cause someone says they're so / Some things I cannot change but ‘til I try, I'll never know / Too long I've been afraid of losing love I
guess I've lost / Well, if that's
love it comes at much too high a cost! // I'd sooner buy defying gravity... // So if you care to find me, look to the western sky! / As someone told me
lately / ‘Everyone deserves the chance
to fly!' / And if I'm flying solo at
least I'm flying free / To those
who'd ground me take a message back from me // Tell them how I am defying gravity / I'm flying high, defying gravity..."
in the days to come, i'll elaborate more on our week on the island of hispaniola. in the meantime, you can look through my tweets on twitter from january 21-27 (sarachoe). sorry, ms. bureman, that i forgot to list my twitter name on my previous entry!
so. . . i'm headed toward haiti - mostly to the dominican republic.
first things first, we're going world race style, as to absorb as little ground costs as possible. anything we raise above that will go towards practical resources, so please follow these steps:
1. Go to this link: https://www.adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=worldrace&desc=
2. Under "Online Donation Information", go to the drop down menu "Choose Program" and select "Support a World Race Project"
3. Then you'll see a field called "Project" appear. In this field, type "WR HAITI"
I emphasize suggestions because they are just that, not any hard, fast rules to adhere to.
And how you fit all of your gear into your pack is up to you; just know that packing cubes and compression sacks are your friend. And less is more - I am proud to say that my pack has always weighed in well under the limit. And bring some Glad/Ziploc bags, too (the gallon and quart sizes) - the ones they sell overseas aren't quite as strong.
And as long as everything fits - preferably inside and not so much outside - in your pack, again, it doesn't matter how you get yer stuff in there. Your pack is gonna explode anyway as soon as you put your stuff down in a place; it's like gravity - inevitable. Oh, yeah, a big duffel bag that fits over your pack would be preferable to those "Airporters" as the latter aren't quite as durable (though mine still survived).
Here are links to posts I've written about what to pack.
Also, the World Race is evolving so some of what I or Christie have suggested might be moot...
Lastly, in Allison's words, just get yourself on the plane. I'd worry less about what you're packing materially and focus on unpacking and processing the life you're about to leave behind. If you have to choose between packing or sharing conversation & coffee with a friend - pick your friend. People > Tasks.
Not that I'm advocating procrastination, but God's all about the eleventh hour (note that I don't say "last minute").
It's all coming together y'all. I'm so glad to have met you (and I'm not gonna lie, my eyes are watering a little as I type this) and am so stoked for you!
Peace and joy as we celebrate the why and for whom the World Race is all about. . .
Sorry for the gaps of time between posts; it doesn't necessarily mean I haven't been blogging. If you happen to read/subscribe to the Updates blog, you'll notice I've been writing there lately. Meet your neighborhood friendly Marketing/Mobilization volunteer!
This is more of a continuation of this post on the Updates blog:
My name is Sara, and started the World Race in October 2008 and finished it at the end of August 2009. I've been in the United States since my return, first to New York, where I grew up, then retransplanting myself to northern Virginia.
I had the wonderful opportunity to serve at training camp in October of this year down in Gainesville, GA (along with several brothers and sisters from my squad!) and met the M and N Squads. I thoroughly enjoyed being on the other side of Ignition and was so blessed to be a part of this leg of their journey.
I've also been blessed to meet several World Race alumnae who live in the greater Washington, DC area and look forward to meeting some of the newer ones. While I still miss my squad and teammates dearly, connecting with the World Race community at large that's slowly coming together here has been a huge consolation.
Michelle McBeath (January 2007 World Race?) and I finally met this month!
So when I'm not working as a paralegal at a law firm (same line of work pre-Race, but a different place), reconnecting with my church & friends, I do my best to help track the stories of Racers in all stages of their journey - before launch, on the field, back home, the next season - and share them with you.
Consider us your liaisons, your bridge, your ambassadors to the World Race. . . world. And as one of those people, I'll let you in on a couple lessons I've learned.
My life before and after the Race is "same same but different." I'm returning to the familiar, but I'm not the same. . .
I've thought of updating my autobiography on this blog, but I feel like a majority of my posts have been just a continuation of it. I apologize also for not blogging elsewhere more regularly. That's something I resolve to improve in before the start of the new year.
Do know that my hope is to continue partnering in ministry with the World Race to any degree I can, which currently is volunteering in marketing/mobilization. Stay subscribed to stay updated on where God's taking me and what He's teaching me; even better, subscribe to the Updates to get a wider perspective.
oops. i mashed up a word my friend received from God and a lyric from a song by the supremes.
anyway, this is a bit overdue. i'm getting closer to finding my rhythm in this still very new season of my life but i'm getting busy in the midst of it and have plenty of thoughts about it and anything else really.
i've been able to go to tuesday night prayer meetings at my church again and last week shared as one of my requests for God's provision for all my world race family who are raising support. so this word is for y'all. . . well, i was convicted by it, too, so this word is for us, is:
you can't outgive God.
and from that sprung the challenge that while you are in a posture of asking and receiving, though your own resources be limited, to keep giving unto the Lord.
like the widow who gave all she had to the temple treasury.
like mary breaking open her alabaster jar of fine perfume.
like the widow who gave what oil and flour she had to feed elijah.
freely we receive, freely we give. silver or gold you may have none, but what you do have, give in Jesus' name. we give not to get but because our Dad is a supremely generous God and the apple don't fall far from the tree.
just when i think, it isn't enough that i'm doing this (again, for some of you) - that i did this - how much more do i surrender, Lord? i hear misty edwards singing,
i am in love with You, there is no cost
i am in love with You, there is no loss
to the God of the universe who nailed Himself to the cross.
so, we can't outgive God, but it doesn't hurt to try.
after a couple months of mulling and imagining and hours of furious typing, i gave my first sermon in america yesterday. i now know that i am not cool enough to wear those wireless microphone things.
you can get it on itunes as a podcast here or go straight to my church's website and download it from there. if you choose the latter, make sure you right-click and choose "save link as". there's a brief lag in within the first couple minutes but keep listening, it was just a little technical hiccup.
and to kim daniels and the awesome alumni featured in her awesome video "from those who have gone before" (which you can hear in the sermon!) - 500 or so people saw your beautiful visages on big projection screens and i may have told half of them that you are crazier in person.
i'm posting this from delta flight 1786 from atlanta to new york city thanks to a free trial of wi-fi from gogo inflight internet. sorry if that sounded like a commercial.
I am part
of the seventh World Race squad that launched just over a year ago. AIM likes to assign letters of the alphabet
to keep track, hence our squad is the G-Squad.
The God
Squad. The Good Squad. The Geek Squad. Squad Glory. Squad Giddy. The Guinea Pig Squad.
How ‘bout
I make up a word – Grazy (Grace + Crazy)?
But
here's what God told Mike Paschall one night
during the M & N Squads' training camp this past week+: G is for gravel. . .
. . . that
will become concrete that will be part of the foundation. There's a lot that goes
into building something and each component is crucial: the concept, the design, the planning, the
materials, and the manpower. Each phase of construction depends on the one
that preceded it.
The World
Race has grown so rapidly that it's easy to forget that the pioneer
squad launched only three years ago. When my squad was "training" over a year ago, the center was unfinished;
when I first beheld the site over a week ago, I hardly recognized it.
It's been
wonderful to be on this side of training camp. Not only have I been reunited with a chunk of my squad, but I've been
blessed through serving over a hundred new World Racers. Bearing witness to and being a part of what God is
doing in each of these men and women has been life-giving.
It's been
gratifying to read of current Racers working with ministries for
whom the G-Squad was their introduction to the World Race, like Casa Shalom
(Bucharest, Romania), Casa Jackson (Antigua, Guatemala), and My Father's House
(San Lucas, Guatemala). I want to see future Racers run full speed through the places where we
simply paved the way.
I want greater
things for successive generations of the World Race. I'm so grateful that God entrusted some groundbreaking to me. I'm so glad to
have been in Georgia these past two weeks, to cook and
clean and pray and worship and listen (I hope I did that more than I spoke),
and camp and eat and dance and grieve and galvanize and guide. It's awesome to watch them get it.
Freely I've received, freely I give. Because I
know God to be generous, He
will grant me this request.
made three visits to dc/northern va: 9/11-9/14 (megabus - late), 9/24-9/28 (self - ez pass is awesome, the beltway is not), and 10/9-10/10 (eastern - decent).
went up to my dad's place in the finger lakes to see him and hang out with a teammate from my summer with cti (that was four years ago!): 9/17-9/20.
i've been here in the vicinity of gainesville, ga since 10/12. camped out in helen, ga with the likes of angi, erin and jacob from 10/12; we headed to AIM on the 10/15. i'll head back to nyc on 10/25, when the m&n squads head back home after their training camp (which i'll reflect on in a different post).
from 10/26-10/31, i'll be packing my stuff, trying to get somewhat organized and move back to dc.
i speak at my church 11/1 and start work on 11/2.
the uncondensed version is that i was presented with several steps i could take: an apprenticeship w/ aim in marketing/mobilization, moving back to dc/nova, or teaching/studying in korea. no one option was emerging as "the one thing" God wants me to do and that almost paralyzed me. what was made clear to me is that any way i'd go, i'd have a lot to gain and a lot to give up.
that's the way of love, isn't it?
and so i'm heading back - as best i know - to my antioch, open door presbyterian church, for a season. i'm excited to be a tentmaker; to clear the rest of my debt and support my friends who are either already on or soon joining AIM as staff. there are some world race alumnae in the dc area i'm excited to meet and grow with.
i'll continue to blog here and there (sarachoe.wordpress.com).
next post (here) will be on being on the other side of training camp. stay tuned. . .
